My walk towards love
"Lord, your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." Psalms 119:105
In many of the posts that I write, I have been very transparent about my past. Yet for some reason this week God has put it on my heart, telling me to be more transparent about my future and the current journey I am walking. Maybe it's because four years ago TODAY I filed for divorce. In that brave moment I put on a suit of Christ's Armor and I've been wearing it ever since. To say these past four years have been easy would be a lie, but I’m not focused on talking about that with you today. Instead, I want to talk about my walk towards love.
At the beginning of 2017, I started writing my prayers. I had been single for three years and was having no such luck with dating. That said, I wouldn't trade being single for anything. I learned to fully love myself, to be confident in my faith, and to recognize my worth... all things that I had lost through an abusive relationship. Looking back, these single years were were a blessing. God's lessons and impact on my heart has been invaluable on this journey towards love.
Today, I want to be a little more vulnerable and share one of the prayers I wrote the day after I went on the first date with my current boyfriend back in October last year. Of course I have no idea what God is going to do in my current relationship. Because my life was crushed four years ago, I have completely stopped planning every detail for my future and continue to surrender to God's plan, taking it a day a time.
So, friends here is it. Welcome to my journey to bravery as I walk towards love.
"Lord, I have been so desperately seeking your will for my life. You continue to take me out of my comfort zone these days, which in return is allowing me to reach for your word that much more. I struggle with fear about a future relationship --- that is the dark part of my life I try to forget, so by doing that I am wonderful at shutting people out. I need your peace Lord, to come over me and guide me. I need to allow your plans for me to take place. I need to put down my pride and my constant urge to be in control. You’ve got me, Lord. I met a man yesterday who appears to be someone my prayers have been asking for. This is where I need you to step in, Lord. To tell me that it is okay. To tell me that you have in fact sent him. To not be scared or worried and to allow myself to be at peace knowing your hand is on this. Lord, it’s been relationships in the past that have taken me away from the woman I desire to be. My prayer is that I will seek you every step of the way. YOU are the only fulfillment I need and my only desire. Lord, just help me be obedient and lay my fears at your feet. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I look forward to seeing what God has planned for me and my walk towards love and I am so excited to have you with me along the journey.
Let’s walk towards love together, friends. And keep being the light in this dark world.