It’s okay to forgive yourself
‘I will purify them from all the iniquity they have committed against me, and I will forgive all the iniquities they have committed against me, rebelling against me.’
As expressed in an earlier blog about my walk towards love, I was single for four years. It’s funny how so much time spent alone can teach you about who you really are and what you truly value. I learned to be happy, strong, confident, comfortable, and capable within my own skin. Additionally, and most importantly, these single years enabled me to further strengthen my relationship with Christ. These years allowed me to focus on Him and to grow daily knowing He was all I will ever need.
One thing I failed to mention earlier, is that when I found a man that seemingly appeared to be everything I had prayed for, I was scared beyond belief. Meeting him opened up so many dark wounds that I had hidden and tucked away. It was easier to hide this heartache than to talk about it. I was great at letting love come from far away, but letting love get close enough to see my scars led me to tears every time.
Don't get me wrong, I knew I had a great thing going with this man I had just met. I simply knew that I couldn’t allow my fears and insecurities hold me back from the happiness that I deserved. It was with this in mind that I decided to make an appointment to meet with my pastor.
As soon as I walked into his office the water works came on and I yelled out, “I don’t think I’m worthy of love after a failed marriage!" I will never forget the look on my pastors face when he said, “Brittany, why are you holding onto something that God forgave you for so long ago?”
Um... wow! Talk about a ‘come to Jesus’ moment!
My pastor knew that I had asked for forgiveness on a daily basis because of my past relationship. He reminded me that I had in fact been forgiven. Even more, he helped to remind me that I am in fact, WORTHY of love.
I had been living in denial. Even though I had tried to forgive myself, I truly had not. It had always been so easy for me to forgive others that I had totally forgot to forgive myself for any hardships in the process. Deep down I believe God sent a new man into my life to help bring my fears and insecurities to light. These past few months have helped me to realize that through self-forgiveness, I am allowing my light to burn brighter... fueled by love.
Lastly, here is some amazing news and one of the reasons why I love the gospel so much. God is the God of second chances. He sees his light within each of us and gives us a second chance... a do-over. Through him, all of our past sins have been wiped away, our lives have been restored to fellowship with Him, and we have been given the greatest second chance to live and to live well.
So friends, how many of you need to work on forgiving yourself? Recognizing that you are worthy and God has already forgiven you.
Let your light shine bright!