What am I trying to prove?
‘You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You say I am held when I am falling short. When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours’
It’s August first. I turn 30 years old in 7 days. How has this time passed by so quickly?
I've tried to write this post multiple times over the last month and have really struggled to find the right words to say. And even though I'm not convinced that what I'm about to say is an exact reflection of what I'm thinking, I thought that now is as good a time as ever to formalize a few thoughts. At least this is an attempt.
For the most part, my early twenties were about finding my true identity. And I'll be the first to admit that I've spent far to much time trying to seek validation from other people instead of God; an approach to life that always left me feeling empty and frustrated. Add in the impact of social media and you've got recipe for danger.
We live in a world where all that we see are the highlight reels of people that we are 'connected' too. It amazes me how many of my peers seem to find their worth and validation by how many 'likes or views' they've received. But I get it. I've been there. I used to do the same. These days my heart aches when I look at certain posts on social media. Because I've personally been there, I can see the pain that many people are trying so hard to cover up. There are so many hidden messages behind these posts. In the end, God helped to humble me by simply asking, "What are you trying to prove?" I would like to ask the same thing to many of those around my 'social network'.
The enemy has a field day with women. He loves to get in our heads and start playing the comparison game, the body shaming game, the self worthlessness game. As soon as we start comparing every aspect of our lives, we take our eyes off Christ. God doesn’t make mistakes. He is a good, good father who is always working to guide our lives towards the purpose that he has intended. We get nervous, insecure, and even restless. We want to jump up and do something. But God says, “Wait patiently. Be still. Watch me act. Don’t get restless, don’t get nervous, and don’t try to take matters into your own hands.”
I remember asking myself, "Are you trying to bring satisfaction to yourself or to God?" Sadly, the answer wasn’t always where it should have been. I knew I needed to make a shift. I needed to start praying more. My prayer became, "Lord, I want to seek you FIRST above anything else. I want to bring YOU the glory. I want to my find my worth in you."
I am a huge work in progress. Every day I have to work on loving the version of myself that God has created me to be. I am so far from where I want to be, but thank goodness I have come so far in this process. My daily goal is to simply walk closer to the light in every way... away from the darkness that seems to linger throughout the fabric of our culture.
Whenever you try to answer your own prayer, you’re asking for trouble. Instead, wait patiently, and watch God act as we strive everyday to find our worth in His perfect love for us. Ladies, I believe in us. I believe we can be set free by these chains that hold us down and make us doubt ourselves about whom we belong to!
I’m ready to take this mindset with me to my 30’s and to see what God does with it. Please join me!